SETBACK!
I was doing pretty well. As of a week ago, I figured to be several days ahead of schedule with my work on the next album. But then last Wednesday, it all shut down cold.
I woke up at 4:00 or 5:00 in the morning feeling as though I had been stabbed in the middle of my back. It quickly became unbearable. My partner asked if she should call 911 and I said yes.
As the paramedics loaded me into the ambulance, one of them told me they were 99.9% sure it was a kidney stone and that it’s one of the most painful experiences a person can endure.
I think all I ever knew about kidney stones before came from that one Seinfeld episode which gave me the notion that the worst of it was just eventually expelling the thing when you pee. I now know that’s not the case. My basic understanding is that the stone blocks the pathway (the ureter) between the kidney and the bladder, causing the bladder to become inflamed and go into spasm. That’s the painful part. It feels like a drill that can’t be shut off going into the core of your being through the middle of your back. The pain level is an easy ten out of ten.
Thankfully, I wasn’t in the waiting area of the emergency room for long because I must have thoroughly freaked out the other patients. They must have thought I was possessed by the devil. I couldn’t control my screaming and cursing. Pretty embarrassing.
Nurses found a bed for me quickly and they rigged me up to an IV. They started pumping opiates and my body did not like that. I started throwing up violently, adding more demonic effects to my soundtrack. It must have been like a scene from The Exorcist. And the drugs still weren’t doing it for the pain so I kept howling. I’m not sure if it was for my own sanity or that of the other patients and staff in proximity but next they geared me up on ketamine. What do I know about anything but I was surprised to find out that was a hospital drug.
After they finally managed to knock me out, they took blood and magnetic resonance images. Hours later, they had a clear picture of what I was dealing with and so they wrote prescriptions and sent me home.
I spent most of the rest of the day barfing while in a dissociative state and by mid evening, it was concluded that my consumer-grade opiates weren’t cutting the mustard and back to emergency I went. I was put on fluids and stronger drugs overnight and then sent home in the morning.
I felt okay for a few hours. I even started to think that maybe the stone had passed. But then the full satanic possession came back. I’m not qualified to do it but I’ve been trying to manage the situation on my own since. I don’t know how to do this. I feel like I should be in a hospital.
The hardest part is getting through the night. I’ve learned that the longest-lasting drug I have at my disposal lasts for about five hours. That means that if I go to sleep, I wake up in complete agony. So after trying to make it work for two nights, I gave up. Sleep is no longer part of the routine. I’m afraid to let the drugs wear off and that feels like a dangerous mindset, to be honest.
Inability to sleep only one of the side-effects I’m dealing with. One of the drugs I’m taking gives me terrible rot-gut. Another makes me constipated. That’s a bad combo. Almost constantly, I feel like I’m on the verge of a bathroom emergency but when I get there, nothing happens. I also have no appetite which is a problem because I’m supposed to take some of the drugs with food. Eating is a necessity but feels like a monumental chore. I haven’t weighed myself but I’m guessing I’ve lost significant weight.
So for almost a week now, my sole focus is managing this crazy-ass situation. I have almost no brain power left over for anything else. While rigged up on drugs at 3:00 in the morning, I listen to beats I’ve made for the new album - especially darker ones that suit the vibe. I try to write but nothing of quality comes out. I can do a bit of creative grunt work but mostly I concern myself with managing my drug schedule.
I desperately want this ordeal to be over. I want to be rid of this pain and I want to get back to work on the album. I was just starting to cook when the devil walked in.